Remember that grace comes first. You are loved and accepted by God just as you are. The growth you need is for your benefit, not God’s. You will enjoy life more once you move to a deeper place with God. Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t read the Bible enough, pray enough, etc. Condemnation, self-loathing, and shame aren’t the way toward spiritual growth and they are not coming from the Holy Spirit. What is coming from the Spirit is love, grace, and an invitation to come higher up, further in, and farther on.